First blog!

MMM, I have finally got my A into G and started a personal blog. I've been meaning to for so long now. I hope I can use this to note little things that I would love to remember down the track as I can certainly not rely on my memory thanks to deteriorating thyroid and serious sleep deprivation issues!

I hope I can make a little entry daily or at least weekly.

Was feeling a little flat last few days - so hard to cope with every day mundane stuff when I'm soooo dog tired and kids have been unwell. Feel like all I do is catering, wiping shit, constant loads of washing, picking up regurgitated food from the floor, removing finger prints from walls,doors, important documents, yelling at boys to stop fighting, removing life threatening red back spider from kids outside toys, picking up toys and clothes from every possible crevice in our house and trying to facilitate a family of 5 to fit into a home designed for a childless couple of retirees!

I must stop casting my mind back to my selective memory of:

• having a reasonable figure (looked hot when smoking pack a day)
  
• wearing nice clean ironed quality clothes
• wearing heels
• getting my hair done regularly
• neatly waxed
• cruising around in my bmw convertible to all sorts of exciting engagements, listening to music that I like (not fucking hi 5 or hooley fucking dooleys)
  
• making important executive decisions
• Christmas party invitations galore

Juxtaposed to my life at the moment

• At least 15kg to lose
• no nice clothes that fit (don't want to buy any as I'm sure 15kg will miraculously disappear over night from sheer willpower without having to amend eating habits / exercise pattern
  
• Daily uniform of foosty tracky pants &worn out birkenstocks
• hormonal skin
• hair falling out in clumps from breastfeeding (crusty bits of vomit probably the only thing keeping the hair in place - preventing total baldness)
• clothes smelling like sour milk, none without some mysterious stain
• agonising over doctors advice to circumcise my baby!
• Kindy association meetings galore
• distractions from mundane life include but are not limited to: ebay, fertility friend buddygroup, facebook and now friggin addiction to online texas hold em poker (all things I can do with a fussy baby on my lap.)
  

At playgroup this morning, this exact topic came up in conversation briefly (we're not usually able to have conversations, but today we had playgroup at a huge playground instead of extremely noisy enclosed hall) which was just magic. The children all played for a couple of hours beautifully together and just mingled with us to scoff a few snacks every now and then.
Thankfully, just when I was started to feel pangs of missing my old life, I was snapped out of it when another mum, knowing exactly where I was coming from, asked me how happy did I feel then compared to now?? Bloody cow, presuming she knows me so well. Thank goodness she did, as of course she is right. When my mind starts to play tricks on me and drifts back to a time where I was my own person (editing out the ghastly reality of what a miserable time I actually had) I just remind myself how lucky I am. I have the family I always dreamed of - a fabulous husband who is the best Daddy any child could wish for and I have 3 gorgeous healthy babies who love me so much its overwhelming. Hearing them giggle and watching their innocent faces with beaming smiles gives me a feeling that blows any high I've ever experienced before them out of the water.
Sounds so cheesy, but I've got to stop taking for granted how lucky I am!

I better sign off for today to wake up Lucas to feed him a bottle so he will sleep (odd I know). I so dread being woken up when I'm sleeping that I really don't want to go to sleep. It's like some sort of ancient sleep deprivation torture. I can get just under 4 hours sleep in a stretch after Lucas has his bottle (providing neither of the other boys have nightmare/fever/vomit/toilet requirement) but then he's always up at 3am for breastfeed, then 4:30ish for a cry with tummy ache and toxic smelling fart, then 5:15ish for same, then 6:15ish for a feed at which point Jacques and/or Oli will be up (if by some small miracle I may have fallen asleep again, they'll wake me up to ask if I'm awake!). Ah, now I just gotta think about those sweet smiling faces and giggles again and it'll all be fine.